Day 34

Today is one of those days I wish I could go back to bed and start the day all over again!! First, MSN doesnt really work with my husband all that well.. when we talk sometimes the messages dont get sent and our conversations get cut short. Then I find out our cell phones got turned off today! Now I have to come up with 200 dollars to pay the bill to get the phones turned back on. And figure out a way to pay our car insurance! Seriously?! I just want my husband home!! I miss him and I just need a hug or something.. I feel so alone right now. Raising a baby while your husband is deployed is soo hard! I feel like I am losing it right now!! Less than 3 months I gotta keep trucking on! For David and Gabriel. I just need to get away...I need to do something. Im sitting here balling my eyes out! Feeling so sorry for myself!
Sorry my blog is so depressing today...Im just so upset!

Day 31

Today was a so so day. I got to talk to David on MSN today, and he had a terrible day. I hate when he does, because I just want to be there for him! He is so strong though, I know he can overcome anything the Army throws his way.I went to pic up Gabriel's pictures today and they are cute! I am gonna have to send some to david. After that we went to Starbucks with one of my close friends Rochelle and she is Gabe's Godmama. It was fun! We had some coffee and talked for a couple of hours and Gabriel fell asleep. It was nice to get out of the house. Not doing too much tonight, gonna go to the bookstore with my mom and have some coffee and walk around with the baby.
I watched a great movie today "The Might Heart" Excellent movie! Im having a good time with Netflix! I couldnt imagine not having it..It makes the days go by faster!
Well I will be writing soon!

Month 1

I cant believe my David has been gone for a whole month already! The BEST part of it is, We talked to day on Skype and he tells me he has good news, he is coming home EARLY! Over a month early! Before my birthday. My birthday is Feb 26th. So it totally made my day!
He got transfered to another camp, he likes it better there, but unfortunatly the internet sucks there. He does have his own room so thats good, he finally has his own space to just get away.
Gabriel and I are doing good. He turns 3 months on Tuesday! I cant believe it! He laughed the other day only twice and hasnt done it yet.. Im so waiting to hear his giggle again.
David and I are going to be trying to get pregnant when he gets home from deployment He wants his boys to be close together in age.
I am still planning on heading back home the beginning of december, i have to take gabe to his dr's appt and pick up some stuff for David and come home. I will only be gone for 3 days at the most.
Well there is my update! I will be writing soon!!

Day 22

Well here we are, 3 weeks into our stinking deployment. Gabriel and I are doing good. Missing David so much it hurts. Trying to stay as positive as can be. Nothing to exciting going on here. I am planning a trip to the zoo soon and Kennedy Space Center with Gabe! Its funny how a 27 year old best friend is a 10 week old baby, but honestly without Gabriel in my life..I would have gone crazy already.
David is doing ok, missing me and the baby like crazy, of course.
I bought Gabe some sunglasses and he is so adorable, I love them on him. It makes me smile! I cant believe how big he is getting already!
I hope everyone is well! I will be writing soon!!
Here is a pick of me and Gabe at the pier looking for dolphins!

Day 19

I know I havent been on in awhile. I have just been so focused on hearing from David, its literally all I think about. Dont get me wrong I have my computer on ALL day and ALL night, I will talk to my bestfriend Jennifer and we keep eachother company.
So my husband got there ok and he is finally at his deployment destination. Unfortunatly they dont have phones yet and cant use Skype. SO no more video chats with the baby and that really sucks! I am patiently waiting for him to get phones hooked up over there so I can hear his voice again.
Nothing is really happening over here in Florida, just trying to save money as much as possible.
Gabriel finally rolloved over for his first time lastnight!! Best believe I was a very proud mama!! He is finally starting to laugh, but not a belly laugh, but he is getting there.
All in all, I am just trying to survive this deployment. I didnt hear from David yesterday, so I am hoping to hear from him again, I dont think he would go that long without checking on his baby boy. I will post soon enough!

Day 14

I never thought I would miss my husband so much. I know I shouldnt be doing this, but I literally cant leave the house!! I have my cell phone for him to call me as well, but I still cant! I feel like a prisoner. I am so used to having my hubby to talk to about everything!! Now he is gone and I feel so empty and alone..its literally unberable, I cry myself to sleep.
There is so much personal problems going on right now, I dont know how to handle all of it and him being gone at the same time. I have no one to talk to, or I try to talk to them and they are so busy or just dont answer back. It really hurts because I am always there for everyone!! I guess it means I should just start focusing on myself more then everyone else now..and its really a shame. All I know is I want my husband home and I need to feel loved again..This is really starting to get to me in more ways then 1.
He is good, finally got there..so thats good. I am waiting for my phone call now. Missing him so much, my stomach is in knots. I really wish people would just understand and just listen to me.
I miss him so much....Im crying now. How can I survive a few months if I cant survive 2 weeks...

Day 11

Gabriel and I made it to Florida on the 1st of Oct. Today is our 1 year wedding anniversary and I am missing my husband so much! I think the stress of everything was getting to us, we got into a fight today but I am so glad we worked it out. I miss him so much I dont know how I am going to get through the next couple of months.
I thought coming to florida was going to be exciting and fun..and I was going to hang out with friends and stay busy. Since I got here I havent hung out with any friends or done anything. I sit in the house all day with the baby. Money is still really tight and I am just so depressed still. David hasnt even gone to where he is suppose to be, he has been in Spain for the past 11 days! He was only suppose to be there for 24 hours, so we havent been getting any extra money which is taking a toll on us. I am hoping when the stress dies down and we can start paying stuff off, I will feel better and feel like this deployment has meaning.
Gabriel is doing good, He is enjoying being with his grandma, he is getting spoiled everyday! She loves to take him around her work and show him off! I would like for us to be doing things, I just need to think about what to do. Well I just wanted to update everyone on us and I hope everyone is doing good!! I will be writing soon!!

Day 8

Gabriel and I made it to Florida ok, Its going to take an adjustment getting used to it here and not being at home. I never thought I would say how much I miss being home, when I complained about fort bragg before.
I got our room all set up and Gabe is getting used to everything. My mother is IN LOVE with this baby..he is already spoiled!
Dont have anything exciting planned for the near future. I just talked to the hubby and I am kinda upset because he feels that he doesnt have to call frequently to check on me or the baby and I am really hurt/mad at that. How can you not want to call your wife and son while you are gone for so long?! I am having a hard time understanding this. I hope it gets better because I talked to him about...so hopefully it will change.
Thats all so far... I will write soon!

Day 5

Yup, I totally missed a day, I got carried away talking to my husband over skype. So yesterday and today is pretty much dedicated to packing and cleaning. I am leaving for Florida very early Friday morning. I pretty much finished packing..Just the random hygiene stuff is left out.
So this tropical storm is coming straight up the Carolina's Of course! Im hoping it will pass by the time I leave friday, but I have been watching the weather and it should be in VA by the time I leave.
Walmart tomorrow morning to get a new GPS and gas before the storm hits. I guess because the storm will be here I will do most of the cleaning tomorrow.
My hubby is still at his half way point!! The plane that is suppose to be bringing the part to fix his plane broke down!! Can you believe that?!! So he will be there for about another day or 2.
Thats all the updates I have right now. I will update tomorrow!! I am going to talk to my hubby and pack at the same time!!

Day 3

Rain Rain go away! Had so much to do and the weather was horrible! I felt so bad for the baby getting in and out of the car. I had to get the oil changed and tire pressure checked and fluids topped off for my trip to Florida on Friday. So I checked my GPS and of course it isnt working. Its out dated and I cant find the USB cable to hook it up to the computer, so yeah I wont be able to use it to get home, I cant update it. So I guess its good ol mapquest for me! I am going to end up buying a new one once I get to Florida.
I talked to my hubby today for about 2 hours, he is still at his half way point..and it seems he will be there for up to 72 hours. He seems pretty bored and all he really does is watch movies. Tomorrow I am running around and still getting ready to head to florida, slowly cleaning and packing. I have to pick up my dog's medication and medical records. I have to get some stuff for Gabriel. Well thats all for today. Thanks for reading!! I will post again tomorrow!

Day 2

Today was a nice relaxing day! Just stayed at my Bestfriend's house chillen with her and her baby. I waited literally all day to hear from my hubby, FINALLY he called me on skype around 4 my time. He was suppose to head over to Afganistan, but he is still at his half way point. The plane brokedown, makes me nervous, LOL they better fix that before he gets in the air! We talked for 2 hours today and it was aaaammmazing!!! I loved it! but I know It wont be like that when he gets there. So I thoroughly enjoyed it! I love the way he makes me laugh! He brings tears to my eyes. I really need that. I miss him so much!!
Tonight is the season Premiere of Amazing Race. I love this show. Sitting here watching it. Gabriel is sleeping in his bouncy seat. Its my first real night back home and I must say, Im holding up rather well.. its nice being home. Its not as bad as I thought it would be. I thought I would be crying, but honestly its nice being here. Well day 2 is done and over..one day closer to my hubby being home!! Thanks for reading! I will post again tomorrow!

Day 1

So Here We are...Day 1 of Deployment. I cant say Im doing ok, I am very heartbroken, but I am doing better then what I thought I would. I never thought Hearing the words "Time for last goodbye's" Would be so painful! I literally was begging God in my head to please stop time! This couldnt be happening..he cant leave me alone! How am I going to survive without my bestfriend. I literally wanted to lay on the floor and start begging for him not leave to me.
He just held me and whispered in my ear, how much he loves me and how much he will miss me, he will come home safe and sound. When I watched my husband walk away..I was so scared to be without him..He looked back and waved. I had mixed emotions, its so painful to see your husband go off to war..but I was so proud of him walking away to board a plane that a lot of other men in this world dont have the guts to do.
Gabriel and I are staying with my bestfriend for the weekend, its helping a lot. I dont feel so alone. I hope I can sleep better tonight and not be so lonely.. but I highly doubt that.
Of Course I miss his call today on Skype. Allycia and I went to go get coffee and he called me twice and left me a couple of messages, letting me know he made it his half way point and he misses me so much! I am waiting for him to call me back.. Im dying to hear his voice. I wanted to start my blog..Its only day 1. 156 more days to go!!! Thanks for reading!!

Countdown to heartache...

Well yesterday David finally got word of his date for deployment. I will admit, I honestly hoped he wouldnt go, they kept changing his date and then weeks went by with no word on anything. Well I guess my luck ran out. I have 1 more week with my husband. Im not doing so well, crying a lot and sleeping very well. In a way I am glad to get this over with and have hime come home..but at the same time I dont want him to leave.
I am so glad Gabriel is so young and he has no idea of whats going on right now and he wont ever know. We got Skype yesterday so that daddy and gabe can talk to eachother and see eachother! I hope that helps. I know that it could be worse, he could be gone for a year, but he is in a special forces unit so he will only be gone for 5 months. Still hurts just as bad.
So Gabriel and I will be heading to florida in less than 2 weeks and We will be there until David gets home. I will be posting weekly blogs and pics of our journey while daddy is gone! I hope youg guys enjoy reading my blogs and keeping up with Gabriel and I! I will be posting the day David leaves..I hope the time goes by fast and I will have my hubby home again!

My New Addiction

Ok so I must admit..I have never been into attachment parenting, but thanks to one of my bestfriends, My new addiction is baby wearing!I always thought to myself and told my friend, "I just carried him for 9 months, why do I want to carry him again"? After Gabriel was born, I had the baby blues so bad, I cried to my friend, I missed my baby inside of me..I couldnt take it, everyday I cried because I felt I was losing him more and more. She calmly said, "Ellen try baby wearing" So I said to myself, sure why not..I probably wont like it. I tried it and fell in love! I felt pregnant again! I felt so close to him, and he loved it! He went right to sleep, and he was curled up like he likes! I feel like I am bonding so much with him and I feel so close, I feel like Im protecting him as well. Now on to the greatest part! Hands FREE!! I can clean, shop, go to appts and he is so snug and comfy he sleeps the whole time and I can feed him while he is wrapped up. I cant believe I never tried this before, but honestly I am so into baby wearing now, I will recommend this to everyone!! I feel so much closer to him now! Its just a great feeling! So thank you Bre!! I honestly feel like a better mom now!!

Reality has hit me....

Reality has totally hit me, full force. My husband will be leaving for deployment sometime the beginning of Sept. I always thought I would be strong and handle it well, but as the days go by, It gets worse. How am I going to survive without my bestfriend, my son's father, a husband? Yes, it could be worse, he could deploy for 12 to 14 months, but because he is special forces its only 6 months, it could be worse, but my heart still breaks.
Everyone says Military Wives are very strong people, they couldnt handle being in our shoes, but now I'm doubting my strength, I know I will survive, but the nights will be so lonely, the hard days will be harder then what they really are. I do feel blessed that I have Gabriel with me, I see me being so attached to him, taking him everywhere with me, sleeping with me, he looks just like his father, which does help me.
I have 2 bestfriends who are military wives, I know at least I have them to have my back and support. I would be lost without them. So shout out to them, Jennifer and Bre I love you girls more than you know!!

Gabriel Harley

I guess you could call this my "Birth Story" although nothing exciting happend, no rushing to the hospital in the middle of the night, no labor or water breaking, but to me this is my birth story.
Gabriel was born on Monday July 26th at 8:19am via Ceserean Section. He weighed 9ibs 9oz and was 21.2 inches long, now thats big, but considering I am 5'11" and David is 6'3" It wasnt really a suprise.
This was a scheduled C section, so we arrived at the hospital at 6am, got admitted by 6:15 and I was just waiting. My nerves were holding up, Gabriel was moving a storm, his heart rate was perfect and they took an ultrasound and he was head down in the perfect position. I felt oddly calm, wasnt nervous or scared, that was until all the people started coming in. First was the nurse, putting in my IV's, that wasnt a big deal..but when The anesthesiologist came in and started talking to me about what was going to happen, thats when the nerves started. Then my operating nurse came in and started all her paperwork, then my OB came in to make sure I was doing ok, well up until now I was fine! now I am a nervous wreck! By 7:45 they said "ok dad you need to get changed and get ready, were about ready to take her back to the OR" I was literally about to cry.
8:00am I was all ready to go, I was really suprised how easy it was to get the spinal, I didnt like the epidural with my first son, but this was a walk in the park. I remember my legs going numb, and they started prepping and all I could think about was my husband, where was he, were they going to start without him? They put up the blue sheet..and in came my husband. I remember the OB saying "ok mom lets have a baby" and I knew it would literally be any minute I would see my beautiful baby boy. 8:19am I heard his cry, and I cant even explain how my heart felt, Overwhelming love took over, Immediate tears fell down my face, to hear that little cry, knowing he came out ok, was the best feeling. I got to see him all for 10 seconds before they took him to clean up, and thats all it took. Who knew you could love something so much after 10 seconds, I knew I would give my life for him, love him unconditionally.
Recovery went well, I slept a lot and about 2 hours we were off to our room, I could finally hold my little prince in my arms. It was the best feeling, my life felt so empty before him, now it was full of life and love. I never wanted to let him go, and I still dont to this day.
The day after surgery was very painful, Very hard to do anything, walk, roll over, lift my legs, but it was so worth it to me.
We are home now and things are amazing, I am healing good, still sore. Walking a little better, everyone says how amazing I am doing, but honestly I think I hide it well. Gabriel is sleeping very well, waking only once or twice a night. Barely ever cries and is just a joy to be around! Makes me laugh and just sucks me into his world. I have to be with him 24/7 and I cant help but stare into his eyes all day.
I LOVE waking up with him in the middle of the night, it gives me an excuse to hold him! and stare into his eyes again!
I feel like this is so long, but I cant stop talking about him, so I guess I will end this before it ends up being a Stephen King novel.
I am sure I will have much more blogs about my "mister" in the days, months and years to come! I guess you could call this my birth story but to me, this is my life! July 26th at 8:19am my life changed and will never be the same again. I learned what it was like to love again, feel fulfilled and joyous. I love my little boy so much it hurts, I finally have a meaning to be here. Even now, I am sitting here staring at him in amazment and wanting to hold him again, so with that I will end this long blog. I couldnt find a better way to end my birth story!

Tomorrow My Life Will Change

December 2nd..Changed my life the moment I found out I was pregnant. I knew that life was gonna get crazy. All the baby shopping, baby names, saving and spending money at the same time. It has a been a long crazy 9 months, but fast at the same time. I cant believe tomorrow we will be welcoming our baby boy "Gabriel Harley" Now I have to admit, I wasnt thrilled right away when I found out on March 5th it was a boy..Since I have a boy already, Of course I had my heart set on a girl. I soon realized he was healthy, and depended on me. I got over the fact he was a boy quick fast and in a hurry. Now I feel so blessed knowing I will have another baby boy.
Of course no sleep for me lastnight, and I know I wont be getting any tonight either. Tomorrow will be VERY tiring, emotionally, mentally and physically. Put all that aside.. I am over joyed..Tomorrow my whole life will change, for the better, but it will get a lot more hectic. Especially being an Army Wife, My husband will be deploying a couple months after his birth.. and I will be dealing with all this alone, but if you think about it, not really "alone" I will have Gabriel to keep me company to love on him and he will be my lil buddy we can do everything together, while daddy is away.
I am so ready to start this journey and be home with my boys after this is all said and done.
I am suprised how fast this day is going by, I honestly thought it would be going by so slow, knowing whats going to happen tomorrow.
Realizing today is my last day to feel my baby inside me, missing the kicks or the hiccups, but not missing the back aches, swollen feet, insomnia..I think it will be better when tomorrow comes...because after all Tomorrow my life will change!
" Gabriel, Mommy loves you so much already, just know I will always be here for you when you need me!"

Hello!

Hello everyone, My name is Ellen I am 27 years old. Married to my wonderful husband David who is 25. He is my bestfriend, my soulmate, my hero. He is active Duty Army, we are currently stationed in NC at Fort Bragg.
We are going to be expecting our first little baby boy together, He will be born July 26th. His name is Gabriel Harley. I have a 6 year old son from a previous marriage his name is Peyton Xavier. He lives with his father do to some circumstances. I used to work as a full time Veterinary Technician at an emergency and critical care hospital, but now I am enjoying being a stay at home military wife and soon to be stay at home mom!
I am a huge animal lover! I guess you could say I am an animal rights activist in a way. If I could get away with it, I would have so many pets in the house, but my husband wouldnt dare allow that. So I have 1 little long haired Chihuahua, her name is Zena Rose, she is my heart and soul.
I am a very down to earth person, I love to laugh and not take things so seriously, having fun doing almost anything is very important to me, especially if its with my husband or my bestfriends. I will always be there for my family and friends, no matter what time or when..I love to the extreme I would give my life for people I love.
I trust very easily and if that trust gets broken, I usually will never trust that person again.
I didnt get a chance to talk about my husband that much, I never thought through all the hardships I've been through, all the broken hearts I've had, I would find a prince charming. He has saved me in so many ways, gave me something to live for, and for that I am eternally grateful. He is an amazing soldier, takes work very seriously, and doesnt do anything half asked. He really is my hero, for giving up time with his family to leave and deploy.
So I guess you could say this would be life with Combat boots and soon to be diapers!